


Catch the Light

by MsMoon



Series: Conventional Sins [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Flirting, F/F, F/M, Flarpy Blunderguff, Flisgrunfles, Fluff, How Do We Even Relationship, M/M, Multi, Open Relationships, Past Relationships, Polyamory, Polygamy, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Serial Monogamy, The Exchange, The Ghost of Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 19:26:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4889134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsMoon/pseuds/MsMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern Fusion AU. Hawke has a business, a string of relationship failures, and a mysterious new person she can't help but be attracted to. What are the consequences of going from famine to feast?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thursday Irregular

**Author's Note:**

> Much like my Hawke... I have no idea what I'm doing :|

 

The beautiful thing about Thursday was that it was the slowest day of the week by far. Now, slow may not be good for most people. They say it’s boring to go slow, that there’s too much that could be entertaining them. Well, to that I say, ‘hogwash’ or something that rings equally of grumpy-old-ladyship. 

 

On Thursdays, I can focus on tiny little trifles….things like, enjoying the smell of the bread as it bakes. 

 

I get here hella early to make sure there’s fresh bread rising, cakes and pies going in the oven, croissant and pastry dough always got special attention before they went into the oven, and by then the bread had risen and the first batch of nearly everything was ready to go in. 

 

My only early bird comes in to help me handle morning rush, which isn’t nearly as pressing as Sunday through Wednesday rush. Then she goes to classes and I am left with my mysterious customer man, the king of the frumpy sweaters.…. Who I like to observe and fantasize about. He came in always on Thursdays and ordered coffee, sometimes a croissant, and sat with his laptop and typed…incessantly. Nothing could distract him. And I had not even attempted it. In fact, I would often waft by him and refill his coffee. He was always so focused that he never seemed to notice. 

 

But now I’ve gotta take a break from that, because the Orsino order won’t fill itself. Two loaves of freckle-bread to go, as per the usual. After bagging up the order, oh look at that. Four minutes have passed. 

 

I felt my body relax as I closed my eyes. It was warm and there were no bad smells. Life was good in this moment. I felt time passing and didn’t care. One day, I don’t know when, I would be in such bitter turmoil…and I’d remember this moment when I could stand in the sun with my eyes closed enjoying the smell of _my_ patisserie. In this moment, I had all the things I needed to be content and I made no apologies to anyone.…like that lesbian chick on that V for Vendetta movie.

 

The chime attached to the front door tinkled softly.

 

“Well, well, well. Look at you, Kitten.” I heard Bella’s voice before I smelled her natural whiskey aroma. “You look just like a fairy tale princess in need of a kiss to break a curse.”

 

I chuckled, opening my eyes with a grin which blew into a full on goofy smile. “Merrill!” I chirped darting forward to hug the tiny elf. Merrill danced into my arms with a giggle. 

 

“Oh sure. _I_ drive us all the way here, but it’s all about _Merrill_.” Isabella murmured, faking a wounded expression. 

 

Merrill only giggled at her before opening up the hug. 

 

“Well get in here then.” I said, a little worried about the smirk Isabella was giving us…. It was her patented ‘up to no good’ smirk…which could manifest towards a number of behaviors. 

 

Sure enough, Merrill and I squealed and pranced out of the huddle after Isabella goosed us both. 

 

“Fiend.” I accused with little heat. She oozed smugness, completely unrepentant. It was simply Isabella’s way not to be very repentant for anything though. “What are you two doing here?” 

 

“Merrill here just got herself a job at that snazzy new greenhouse.” Isabella informed while Merrill preened bashfully.

 

“Congratulations!”

 

“Thank you.” Merrill said absently wringing her hands. “It’s nothing really.”

 

“It’s a better quality job, love.” I reminded. “A long way from baby sitting.”

 

“I suppose it’s a different type of nursery.” Merrill giggled, and I couldn’t help but laugh along with her.

 

I noticed Isabella’s amber eyes settled on a point across the room, and looked over. 

 

My gaze met his Majesty of the Frumpy Sweater empire. His eyes widened just slightly before returning to his laptop, hurriedly typing. I felt bad for distracting him from his work, what with all the noise we were making. It was irregular for a Thursday…

 

I snapped out of my stare when Isabella’s hip bopped against mine. Her eyes seemed so delightfully rougish. I gave her an indulgent but still slightly reproachful look in hopes she wouldn’t harrass my customers. He was a regular after all…..a regular that I regularly fantasized about in spite of the fact that I knew nothing about him.  

 

“You know what we need?” I said, in hopes of inciting a diversion. “We need….” I paused for dramatic effect before rushing through, “some cheeseburger pickle pie!”

 

“Oooh!” Merrill cooed happily. It was one of her favorites…which was so bizarre it hurt, but eh.

 

It’s whatever. 

 

It’s actually really good, but so many people are turned off by the name that they don’t touch it….which meant I always had extra….which was great, because it was filling. Great on food breaks for the employees and when friends stopped by.

 

“Uh…sure.” Isabella said, her face hilariously confused. “I know I’m not driving any time soon.”

 

“I thought you said you drove up here.” I said, making my way behind the counter.

 

“I did…. Stole Varric’s car.” She said looking satisfyingly smug.

 

“Now, did you really steal it, or did you just borrow it?”

 

“…Ok, I may have mentioned Daisy’s interview late last night after about 3 bottles of brandy, but that really isn’t here or there, Kitten.” 

 

I chuckled. Oh. Isabella. She and Varric had the strangest relationship. “If he knew it had something to do with Merrill, then I’m sure he doesn’t mind.” I said.

 

“Indeed….hey…is this bread just laying out here for no reason?” Isabella asked as she passed by the register.

 

“Oh, the freckle-bread? It’s for Orseno.”

 

“Orseno?” Merrill chirped softly. “The same Orseno who coordinates the Kirkwall Coalition of Mages with the Templars Alliance?”

 

“Oooooh. Well connected aren’t you, Kitten?”

 

I barked out a laugh.

 

On a scale from Chihuahua to Mastiff, I was probably a Corgi… I hoped. Damn, but I loved corgis. 

 

“Please.” I said, placing three slices of the CPP into the warmer. “I sell bread to the elf. It’s not like I advise him on political movements.” I smiled warmly at them as they cozied up to the barstools that lined the right side of the counter. “How about a couple of ginger ales to go with that?”

 

“My my my, you do know how to spoil a girl, Kitten.” Isabella cooed, and I chuckled. 

 

The door chime tinkled again. “Hello there.” Orseno said as he moved through.

 

“Good day, First Enchanter.” I said happily. 

 

“Good day to you as well, Serrah.” Orseno said with a soft smile.

 

“I have your freckle-bread right here, and as a celebration for my friend here,” I said, motioning towards Merrill. “There’s a free slice of cheeseburger pickle pie as well as a free ginger ale if you’d like it.”

 

Orseno seemed to take this in stride, his smile growing and then wilting in confusion before upturning again. “Oh! How…happy? What is the occasion?”

 

“I’m the newest worker at the High Town Botanical Nursery.” Merrill said, her head ducking bashfully.

 

“Well that is fantastic!” Orseno praised. “Congratulations.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“And as thrilling as that sounds, I uh… I have lunch plans. But the ginger ale does sound delightful.” 

 

“Absolutely! I’ll get you one to-go.” I said, filling it quickly. Money changed hands for his freckle-bread, and I handed over a free ginger ale.

 

“You ladies have a nice day.” He said pleasantly before going on his way.

 

“You as well, Messere.” I called as he left. I handed Isabella and Merrill their pies, and noticed a strange eye twitch from Isabella. Merrill was happily feasting, so she didn’t catch it at all.

 

Isabella’s gaze kept darting to the my fantasy sweater man. I narrowed my eyes to keep her in line… I hoped. And drifted around the counter. 

 

His eyes weren’t on the computer…. Which was odd. He never looked away form it usually. 

 

And it was the second time our eyes had met in this half hour alone. I couldn’t break away now.

 

“I’m so sorry if we’re disturbing you.” I said.

 

“Not at all.” He said. Ugh…his voice was…nice. I mean, it wasn’t sternum vibrating like Fen’s was, but it was rich and very easy on the ears. 

 

“Um. Would like a free piece of cheeseburger pickle pie and a ginger ale to celebrate my friends new job.”

 

My mouth went dry as his eyes narrowed over my face. Oh. Dear. 

 

I swallowed thickly. 

 

This was a mistake.

 

“I.” He began slowly. “Would love… some cheeseburger pickle pie and a ginger ale.” 

 

“Really?” I asked, my smile must’ve been huge because it was making my cheeks ache. He smiled almost in a conspiratory fashion and nodded. “Great!” I darted back around the counter, taking the third piece of pie (the one that I’d technically singled out for myself) and then fixed up a ginger ale before bringing it to him with a fork. “Enjoy!” 

 

Too much.

 

Too fast.

 

Gotta take cover.

 

I quickly pranced behind the counter, while trying to look like I wasn’t trying to take cover behind the counter…. Consider how ‘smooth’ I usually was, this meant I was probably flailing like an excited muppet.

 

Isabella knew… Because Bella knows things about things. It’s like she has a nose for pheromones or something.

 

Bleah. 

 

Bella’s…intuitive. 

 

Definitely an ENFJ on that personality test thingy.

 

So Extraverted it hurt, but very intuitive and feeling and judgy. 

 

Not to say that she was _always_ right. She’d assumed that Aveline was a lesbian, and that was just not so. Donnic could endorse that. Also, she’d assumed Fen was gay, but he was bi…go figure.

 

But she had been right about many things. Well. Enough things that she assumed she was right about most things. 

 

….though, I suppose that’s everyone, now that I think about it.

 

Anyway, she was giving me ‘knowing’ eyes. Which meant she thought she knew something… and she probably did, which was the _worst_ part. 

 

“So, you _have_ to make it to the celebration at the Hanged Man this weekend, Kitten. No excuses.” 

 

Oh shit.

 

“Uh.”

 

“Oh! Was there going to be a party?” Merrill asked, her large eyes so much wider with excitement….which was an accomplishment, because they were so wide and doe-like normally.

 

…Well shit. Now I  _couldn’t_  say no could I?

 

Technically, there was a celebration at the Hanged Man  _every_ Saturday, and we were all invited to imbibe and be merry.... It'd been a while since I'd visited with everyone though.

“…yeah. Yeah, I think I can make it.” I said with less confidence than I felt. Honestly, I _could_ make it, but parties at the Hanged Man tended to run into the wee hours of the morning…which left me little time to sober up and then make it back here….it’d been a while since my last ‘all nighter’. 

 

Uh-oh. Bella’s eyes were doing that irresistible sparkle thing. What was she—

 

“You should come too.” She called sweetly over to my mystery sweater typer customer. “We’d love to have you come and celebrate with us, Tiger.”

 

Tiger?

 

Grrreat.

 

I was just about to open my mouth to try and chuckle off Bella’s invitation when—

 

“That sounds like fun.” He said with a smile, and equally knowing eyes. 

 

“Oh yes! Do come!” Merrill said with a smile. She always liked meeting new people.

 

Fuck.

 

Me.

 

I felt a mental sigh build up in my brain. I wasn’t ready to release that sigh yet, but… well. Better now than later, I guess.

 

I reminded myself that the point of having fantasies about him was that he was anonymous and safe.

 

That eventually I’d have to let that go, like I always did.

 

…It still stung a bit.

 

But I kept smiling softly behind the register.

 

…Maybe it would be nice to know him as more than the ridiculously baggy-sweater customer who comes in every Thursday and types out what must be novels fueled only by my coffee. My circle of friends was lacking the frumpy-sweater category anyway.

 

…Maybe.

 

“Exactly when is this shindig?” he said.

 

Oh. God.

 

That was the cutest thing I’d ever heard.

 

“It’ll be at the Hanged Man.”

 

“I know the place.” He said with a smirk.

 

“Around 9ish this Saturday.” Bella supplied.

 

He was nodding. “I can definitely manage that.” He said with an easy smile, his warm golden brown eyes drifting to mine. 

 

I felt myself blushing.

 

Like, I just _knew_ that I was.

 

No way my face feels this hot for no reason.

 

Damn.

 

My eyes darted back to Merrill. 

 

“I’m so glad.” Merrill said, a big ball of vibrating joy at this point. “I love meeting new friends.”

 

It was true.

 

I waited expectantly for the sigh to release.

 

It was something that always happened, and in great frequency when around certain individuals.

 

I’d made my own process for coping. Gather up all those unwanted feelings, and release them in a single mental sigh of longing while acknowledging reality.

 

…But the sigh wasn’t there. I could still feel that pent-up feeling in my brain but…

 

…There was no release. 

 

Damn.

 

Another sound, near the back entry way caught my attention. “Oh! That’s…probably Orana. I’ll just uh..” I pushed my way through the door to the scullery with all the grace of an inebriated velociraptor. 

 

I could hear Merrill start to ask Sweater-Man a question, but sighed now that there was a physical barrier that separated me from him. I really need that sigh to just release right about now. I didn’t want to remind myself how horrible I handled certain types of pressure. I already knew that flailing would continue until I could just get over this. 

 

I turned my cheeks into a pufferfish and slowly let air out. 

 

It didn’t help, but who knows? Maybe visualizing the ‘sighing’ process would help things along.

 

I walked into the back and found Orana clocking in on her time card.

 

“Hello, boss.” She said with a smile.

 

“Hey. Bella and Merrill are up front.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah. Merrill got a new job, so as long as she’s here I’m handing out free cheeseburger pickle pie and ginger ale.”

 

“That’s kind, boss.” 

 

“I thought so.”

 

“What are you doing back here?” Bella asked, making me jump and whirl. 

 

“Blessed Andraste at the Stake.” I groaned, still breathing fast.

 

“There is a perfectly adorable man out there, perfectly interested in you, and you’re hiding back here?” Bella asked.

 

“There’s a man up front?” Orana asked, curiosity making her already wide eyes wide. What is it with elves and wide eyes anyway?

 

“It’s the Thursday Regular.” I said at last.

 

“Ah. Him.” Orana smiled serenely.

 

“Did you just leave Merrill up there?” I asked Bella, who still looked far too superior and judgy.

 

“Of course I did. She’s having a fun conversation about elf root and chamomile with him.”

 

“…Seriously?”

 

“Something about a healing tea.” Bella swatted the air dismissively. “That’s not the point! What are you doing back here, if you could be up there having a conversation with him? He’s obviously into you.”

 

“Please.” I grunted. “He barely notices me.”

 

“That’s not what _I_ saw.” Bella said with a naughty smirk. That was another look she did very well. “He was eyeing you every chance he could, Kitten. Which was often since you were pointedly ignoring him.”

 

“Obviously, it was because we were disturbing him. Making noise. It’s beside the point.”

 

“What’s going to be beside the point is when he shows up at the Hanged Man for the party.” Bella said confidently. 

 

“He probably accepted that just to be nice.”

 

“You mean like how he ate that entire cheeseburger monstrosity to be nice?”

 

I shook my head, rolling my eyes. “We’re not having this discussion. And I’m going to try and play it cool when I go back out there again.” I electric slided past her. “And you, stop being so pushy.” 

 

Back through the scullery door. That door was taunting me with it’s swaying, not quite a barrier status. It made Chewbacca noises every time it swung shut. 

 

“And then she says to me, ‘Merrill, dove, you have to let the tea steep for at least 20 minutes for the properties to get good and married’. So I says to her, ‘But by then the tea would be cold, and that would just be dreadful to drink, I think.’ And she says, “Och, of course it would if you simply poured hot water into a glass and let a bag sit in it! You have to boil the tea water on a stove and let the tea sit in it while it’s on low heat. Then, after 20 minutes you can pour it into a cup and drink it down!’.”

 

“Huh!” he said, rubbing his chin and maintaining some serious eye contact. “I’ve always steeped my tea in a mug.”

 

“Me too! But evidently there’s a whole different way of making it that’s more direct. Also, you can put an abundance of ingredients into a cheese cloth and make a really strong brew, and then pour that into a pitcher and dilute it with water, and have an whole pitcher of tea.”

 

He was nodding. “That answers a lot of questions actually.” 

 

Merrill looked over to me and smiled. “Andy here is in to different forms of holistic medicine.”

 

…Andy?

 

“Holistic medicine?” Bella asked.

 

“Like acupuncture and massages?” I asked. My genuine curiosity was something that couldn’t be contained, even in the face of common sense. I wanted to die the minute the question left my mouth.

 

“Something like that.” He said with a smile. “Would you like a massage?” He asked, looking very pleased at the suggestion.

 

Oh…

 

Bella’s words and looks started ricocheting inside my brain.

 

Oh dear.

 

That would be the horrible nigglings of hope clawing against my sternum.

 

I tried to smile, but still shuffled and made ridiculous aborted half laughing noises. “I uh… I don’t know anyone who doesn’t.”

 

I froze, tensing slightly as I felt something warm at my back. It took a moment to realize it was Bella, and I was ok. But I still half glared at her in the most bored fashion I could manage.

 

“Our widdle Crystal _needs_ a good message.” She cooed as she rested her chin on my shoulder. “She’s so tense from having to help everyone, and manage the whole fucking world.” I rolled my eyes.

 

“Your name’s Crystal?” He asked, which snapped me out of my funk only a bit. “Is that why there are so many sun catchers in here?” He pointed vaguely towards the crown molding while rotating his wrist. There were several sun catchers in different colors and types hanging in the windows. Some of them refracted light into lovely little rainbows and some didn’t…but I loved them all.

 

I blinked, honestly surprised that he’d noticed. “Uh. Yeah. My dad…” I felt my throat tighten, but braved the battle anyway. “He was an artist. Glass blowing was his thing, and he’d… he made me a bunch of them so.” I shrugged.

 

“That’s amazing.” He said, his face looking so… so kind. It was a type of warmth that neither Bella or Varric or anyone I knew to be warm had. It was so comforting though… and I forgot about my nerves for approximately five seconds. “And I’m afraid I have to be off now.” He said, standing up. When had he put his laptop away? “But I’m looking forward to seeing you at this party.” 

 

“Ah yes. The party. Wouldn’t miss it.” I shifted restlessly. I dithered, sweet Andraste how I dithered. Did I _really_ have to go?… As if I were outside my own body, I saw my hand reach out and gently brush his elbow. And then jerk away, of course, because in the half second that sanity had left me, it returned with screaming vengeance. I tried not to implode, but I really couldn’t help but clench my arms around me as though I were cold.

 

He smiled, and it made his eyes crinkle. Which made me want to rub my check against that spot between his shoulder blades that he so often needed to bend back and forth when he typed too long. 

 

Oh, this was just miserable.

 

“I look forward to it.” He said. He looked between Bella and Merrill. “Ladies.” He said with a nod before sauntering away. 

 

Once the door was closed I made a nosey horse-sigh, because sometimes a breathy sigh just isn’t enough. You’ve gotta smack your lips together to convey exactly how disgruntled and flustered you are. 

 

Flisgrunfles. 

 

Bella was practically clapping. “Excellent!” She cheered. “Now we just need to plan your outfit for Saturday. Really knock him dead.” 

 

“No.” I groaned hobbling over to the counter.

 

“Oh, are we helping Crystal get Andy?” Merrill asked, perched against the edge of her stool. 

 

“No!” I groaned louder, my head hitting the countertop.

 

“Great things never came in comfort zones, Kitten.” Bella said, as if she could remind me that she was wise or something. She wasn’t. 

 

“Oh, I’ll just embroider that into a pillow then, shall I?” I snipped. “Honestly! As if I don’t have enough to worry about. What would I even do with another fully functioning human being to fret over?”

 

“I could give you a list of things to do with that fully functioning human being. Perhaps send you a link with a few instructional videos.” Bella said, her hips swaying as she sashayed closer. 

 

“But you _will_ be coming to the party, won’t you, Crystal?” Merrill asked, fidgeting in a flightily sort of Merrill fashion. “It’s not an inconvenience or anything?”

 

“No. I mean, yes. I mean.. Of course I’m coming to the party.” I messaged my temples lightly. 

 

“And you’re not going to show up with low-town frump as your base fashion, right?” Bella asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. “You wouldn’t do that to me.” 

 

“I don’t know why my fashion sense reflects on you.”

 

“Do you really want to show up at the Hanged Man looking horrible if everyone’s going to be there to celebrate?”

 

“I’m an adult!” I said, flouncing for effect. “Now, if it’s alright with you, I have payroll to look at.” I said just as Orana came through the scullery door.

 

And I had to plan for an outfit…damn.

 


	2. to Market

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bring a bit of business sense, with a touch of old friends, and then fumble over new friend... oi...

 

The Great thing about Aveline Vallen-Hendyr…was everything about Aveline Vallen-Hendyr. I’m not just saying that because I played a tiny part in getting her into the captain of the guard position, but because I love her. 

 

Like, not in a girl-crush fashion though. In a ‘I wanna be like her when I grow up’ way. 

 

Which is totally different form Isabella, because it’s a hybridization of the ‘girl crush’ and ‘I wanna be like her’ thing… this has gone way too far.

 

It’s whatever. Anyway.

 

It was a huge part of why I make irregular visits to the barracks….and I usually come bearing gifts.

 

Specifically food.

 

Sandwiches, this time. I know it’s not great, but the guard really don’t get the chance to be picky about it.

 

As always, I had a plan….sort of.

 

I could get into the barracks without any red flags, but there were two very large trays of sandwiches to take with me…which meant, I was going to have to make 2 trips or rely on the goodwill of random strangers. 

 

Goodwill from strangers…in Kirkwall…dubious.

 

Five seconds to appreciate the word ‘dubious’….ok.

 

… It wasn’t the most solid part of the plan, I’ll admit, but—

 

“Crystal?”

 

I squeaked, twirled, and ended half leaning against the car door.

 

“Ahh….Aaaandy.” I drawled, a little high pitched, but he’d surprised me. And he was smiling. So it did things to my voice. 

 

Naturally. 

 

Shut up. 

 

“Good to see you out of the shop.” He breezed right up next to me. “What’s got you out and about?”

 

“I, uh. I’m making a delivery.” I hesitated, my mouth flattening as I considered my words. “I mean. I am. Technically. But I’m… I’ve got sandwiches.” 

 

“You make sandwiches as well?” He asked, sounding confused.

 

“No. I mean… I do, you know, personally. All the time.But you know, just not commercially or anything.” I floundered, because of course I do. I huffed out a deep breath. “I’m …bringing a couple of platters of sandwiches to the barracks.” I ‘explained’, if you want to call it that.

 

He tilted his head just slightly, starring at me till a grin tugged at the corners of his lips. “That’s fantastic.”

 

There was a beat of silence before I realized what he’d said. “Really?” I asked, completely perplexed.

 

He nodded. “You need any help?” That question caught me almost as off-guard as his appearance.

 

“Uhh…” I looked back at the car. A large part of me wanted to say no. Because, failing and red flags, that was a bad idea. I couldn’t pinpoint why though. But it was. But…well…

 

“I…I mean, I don’t want to impose, but if you could…hold the doors open for me…” I trailed off. “I have two trays and only two hands.” 

 

“Absolutely.” He said with a nod. “Or I could carry a tray, and you could carry a tray. The odds of you having a free hand are much better there.”

 

“Oh. I mean.” I shrugged trying not to look like Bella Swan, because ick. I could accept help from people. “Yeah, you could. I just… I mean, that’s kind of… like, isn’t that labor or something?”

 

“Maybe. But carrying a tray of sandwiches to a group of guards sounds right up my alley. I love debunking gender norms.”

 

I laughed. I couldn’t help myself. “Should I have brought you an apron?” I couldn’t help but ask.

 

“Oh, now that would have been fantastic.” 

 

I was still chuckling as I opened the car door and handed him a tray. I couldn’t help myself, and it felt good to laugh with him…It almost made me forget entirely about the nerves. 

 

He balanced the covered tray that I handed to him like a pro, which allowed me to grab my purse and hook it over my shoulder before grabbing my own tray and closing the car door.

 

From there, it was a series of him opening doors while I walked through and he would follow behind. Now and then I would spot excited guardsmen who knew me, and knew my presence equivocated to bounty in the kitchens. 

 

I had them trained, these guards. Almost as well as Aveline was training them. They saw me, they thought of food, and I was automatically associated with something good…. I was Pavlov’s Crystal.

 

“Crystal!” Donnic called, looking excited to see me.

 

“Hey, Don.” I said with a smile. “Thought you guys might like a bit of lunch.”

 

“Who doesn’t?” He saw Andy, and his expression faltered only slightly before he smirked again. His eyes were till touched with a wariness I wasn’t used to seeing in him though… Troubling. “And you brought two whole trays this time! Because you know us so well.”

 

“Where do you want these?” Andy asked.

 

Donnic opened a door to the scullery for us. “On the table in here will do. Everyone can get their own and take it from there.” 

 

“It’s a solid plan.” I murmured as I sat one of the trays down. 

 

I took the metal cover off the tray and slid the plastic that the sandwiches were all stacked on onto the table. It was relatively thick plastic, which meant it could function as a decent cutting board, but I had no use for it. The guards could keep it. The metal carrying dishes though? Those were mine. I felt relatively territorial over them. Andy followed my example seamlessly. 

 

“Here.” I said, handing Donnic a sandwich that had been specially wrapped. “This is for her. I wouldn’t dream of trying to pry her away from the desk.”

 

Donnic half snorted with a nod. “I don’t imagine you’d gain much ground. Even your Mum wouldn’t at this point.”

 

“Times are hard.” I winced.

 

Andy came to my side, stacking both trays and covers together. “I’ll just take these back to the car.”

 

“Thanks. I’ll, uh.. I’ll be right there.” 

 

Donnic stared after Andy as he left. before quietly murmured. “You know that guy?”

 

Andraste’s flaming—not Donnic too.

 

“Uh, yeah. He’s a regular at Sweet.” 

 

Donnic nodded slowly. “Huh.” He shrugged. 

 

Well that was bizarre. 

 

“Well it’s always good to see you ‘round these parts.”

 

“Yeah. Speaking of ‘seeing you around’, are you guys going to the Hanged Man this weekend?”

 

“Saturday?” Donnic asked, which was arbitrary. Of course Saturday. I nodded. He shrugged. “Why? Are you going?”

 

“Apparently ‘everyone’ is going.” 

 

Donnic’s eyebrows rose as he smirked. “Wow. Quite a feat.”

 

“Yeah. I was hoping you guys would be there too.”

 

“We will.” Donnic said determined, a mischievous light in his eyes. “I’ll make sure we’ve got nothing better to do.”

 

“Thanks, Don. You’re a prince.” I said as I backed out of the scullery. As I made my way back to the car, I hoped Donnic would convince Aveline to show. She was chained to her desk more often than not, and I just… I hadn’t seen enough of her for my taste.

 

Andy was near the car, having already loaded the empty trays inside.

 

“Thanks so much for your help.” I said, trying to offer him my breezy smile. I could do breezy. 

 

“It’s not a problem.” He said, shaking his head. “I’m just glad I was here to help.” He smiled. “Do you think they’ll make it?” he asked, seeming genuinely interested. 

 

“I hope so.” I nodded. “Aveline’s content to work herself to death, but if Donnic chips in… He’s usually good for it.” I looked up at him. “I guess I was lucky that you were here today. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything…” Look at me, trying to be a smooth investigator. 

 

He chuckled. “No. Well. Nothing that was going anywhere.” He half groaned. “I was coming to inquire whether or not anything would be done about the influx of impoverished that are growing sicker every day in Darktown.”

 

I stared. “Darktown?” He half flinched looking away. “Do you live in Darktown?” I asked, slightly concerned.

 

He peeked up at me. “Well, ‘live’…that’s not quite the term for it.” He shrugged. “I volunteer there, and….sometimes I sleep on a couch where I volunteer.” Now there was guilt mingled in with the concern. I wanted to ask if he was safe, but… I mean… “So sandwiches?” I blinked at how rapidly the subject had changed. Obviously his living situation wasn’t my business, but… well… now I was a little worried. “Very altruistic of you.”

 

I huffed out a chuckle, which sounded so walrus-like and ridiculous thatI couldn’t help but laugh more at how silly it was. It was a perpetual cycle of walrus laughter. Hrauff-hrauff-hrauff.

 

“It’s nowhere near as kind as it sounds, I assure you.”

 

“There’s purpose behind this other than feeding hungry guardsmen?”

 

“Yes. To market. That is… well. Marketing…” I shook my head, my eyes closing at how ludicrous I sounded. “Rewinding. I’m actually partners with the fellow who owns the Deli Diner.” I smirked as my chin jutted out just catty-corner from the main keep. The sign ‘Deli Diner’ was subtle, but the building itself did stick out in a row of very official looking, beige and taupe boxes. “Bringing two trays of delicious sandwiches straight to the mouths of hungry nearby guards? That’s not altruism, that’s marketing.”

 

He laughed like a man who could not possibly live in Darktown. Light, unhindered by the horrors of this city, his head tipped back just slightly… And if I was admiring the column of his throat, well… That was just good sense.

 

“Good business sense.” He murmured. “Do you own many businesses?”

 

“Uh, you mean aside from my own?” I shook my head. “I’m partnered on a few projects, but Sweet is the only spot that’s all mine.” I dawdled, wondering if I should elaborate. “I…You know, the Hanged Man?” He nodded. “Varric Tethras. He has a suite there and he’s the one who always opens it up every Saturday for all of us.” I felt myself shrugging as I saw the empty air between us. It was like I was spouting facts, but no note of conversation. Right. Get to the point. “He has an amazing business sense, and I … I feel like with all the great things that have happened for me…” I felt my lips pursing without any control of it. I really needed to get that nervous twitch under control. “I don’t know. If he says it’s a good idea, and since I have the resources to help…It just seems… fulfilling.” He smiled at me, and it made me smile. 

 

“Helping people makes you happy.” He said with an almost knowing glint in his eye. It was eerie. Like he could see me…all of me.

 

“And you don’t, Messer Dark Town Volunteer?”

 

“For all the good it does.” He said, shaking his head. I didn’t know what to say to that. “Who did you partner with for the Diner?”

 

“Uh… Well..” I paused. Some of those details were personal. “Nyssa runs the kitchens and Jethann handles staff management….They make a surprisingly good team.” He didn’t need to know where they came from or their personal professions before now. All that mattered is that they were good at what they did.“Hey, you keep dodging the subject of Dark Town.” I pointed out while pointing accusingly at him.

 

“And you keep circling around back to it.” He said with a smirk. “I just… I’d rather not discuss it while we’re in the street.” He assured, as if that would assuage my worries. “Not that there’s much to talk about. I’m so looking forward to the weekend.”

 

“And your definitely going to be there?…At the Hanged Man, I mean.”

 

He nodded vigorously. “Oh yes. I…” He halted, eyeing me critically, his expression falling into suspicion.

 

“What?” I chirped, my head cocked to the side slightly as I surveyed him.

 

He let out a long sigh. “I don’t…” He shook his head again. “It’s… really lame. But I don’t really have friends.” He shrugged, his eyes looking straight ahead in stead of at me. “When your friend offered up that invitation…” His eyes slid to me, looking instantly tired and resigned. It was like he was waiting for…

 

For what? Did he think that I’d judge him because he was busy and had little time for friends? 

 

Foolish.

 

“Well. You have friends now.” I said with an easy smile, and his eye crinkled at me. Oh, what it did to my knees. The humanity.

 

He chuckled self-consciously and it only made me want to hug him.

 

The logical, mature part of my brain understood that this man was a man and not a child that I could coddle and dote on…but, I always had a moment when I looked at my friends and thought ‘They are my precious babies, and they need to be protected’. 

 

Even Varric. 

 

Sometimes especially Varric. 

 

“Well…” I needed to reorient myself and put my thoughts onto more productive tracks. Tracks that would produce the effect of fleeing. “I have to run a few more errands.” He was nodding, taking the out along with me. 

 

“Yeah, I should be heading out.” He murmured, not quite looking at me.

 

“Miles to go before I sleep. Miles to go before I sleep.” I said, with a breathy sigh. “Besides, Copernicus isn’t going to feed himself.” 

 

He blinked at me. “… I understand the words that you just said, but they don’t make sense at all.” 

 

I laughed. “My cat.” 

 

“You have a cat named Copernicus?” I shrugged defensively. “That’s adorable.”

 

“I have a dog named Erasmus,”

 

“Naturally.” 

 

This was turning into less of a fare-thee-well conversation and more into word vomit. “but he stays with my mom because her house is much bigger than my apartment, and she lives alone….” I shook my head. “Sorry. I’m. I’m just spouting words at you now.”

 

His smile was pure mischief. “You’ll have to do a lot more than that to scare me off.” 

 

…Both adorable and terrifying. When did he decide to draw a line in the sand and stick around?

 

I only nodded. “Well.”

 

“Yeah.” He nodded back as if we’d somehow shared some sort of secret communication. “See you tomorrow.” He smiled before sauntering off.

 

I did not watch.

 

….not right away. I got in the car first and eyed him in the rearview mirror.

 

Whuf.

 

Hate to see that man leave, but I don’t mind watching him go.

 

 ...oi. Objectification is bad. Bad. Baaad, Crystal.

 

 

 


	3. Kirkwall Iced Tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my long lost little AU, how I do miss you :3
> 
> Well, here’s a doozy of a chapter. There’s drinking which makes Hawke silly…. and all the fun that can be had from waking up next to someone and not remembering how the hell that happened…
> 
> Enjoy :3

There appeared to be some sort of cosmic understanding that coming the The Hanged Man meant a night of jumping through hoops before turning into pudding.

 

I always brought things. Usually bread-like things.

 

Because Hanged Man = Drinking. And if there is one thing Crystal Hawke should never do…it’s drink on an bread-less stomach.

 

Today, I brought three plates: strawberry, cream cheese, and apple danishes….mostly because I love danishes and couldn’t decide my favorite type… I’m a selfish bitch like that.

 

“There’s the most beautiful baker in all of Kirkwall.” Varric cheered at the sight of me. Maker, but I’d missed that dwarf.

 

“And the baker brought some sweets!” I said.

 

“Fantastic!” Varric crowed. Maybe he’d already had a few. “You can put ‘em in the spot.”

 

The Spot, was a nook in Varric’s suite in the back of the Hanged Man. The wide coffee table was settled into the center of the nook, surrounded by a super comfy sectional that fit so perfectly inside the nook that I almost thought I could rely on this alone to prove without any doubt that the Maker was real. The nook and all of the furniture within was literally that perfect.

 

I placed the plates in a neat diagonal row and stood, eyeing the nook. Someone, most likely Corff, had stacked empty cups inside each other on the edge of the table. Enough for everyone probably.

 

It was a little weird. I lived in the loft above my bakery, and Varric had a suite at his bar….I wondered if a lot of people did that in Kirkwall. Housing in Kirkwall was pretty shit. So maybe you had to be super wealthy in order to afford a business _and_ a home.

 

“It’s been a while.” Varric said.

 

I smiled. “I’m excited to see the gang again.”

 

“Yeah. Rivani said something about a new guy. I think she’s looking forward to indoctrinating him into the group.” Varric said with a smirk. “Never can tell with that woman.” Varric eyed me. “You look nice.” He said almost suspiciously.

 

I was wearing a loose cerulean mullet skirt that had marine-ish embroidery around the hem with black tights underneath. I’d put on a light grey sleeveless cami beneath a pale poet shirt and tucked both into my skirt, cinching a dark navy scarf around my waist. I knew that the coloring was good, and the skirt swished a lot, which I _loved_.

 

“I think I’ll help Corff get the drink pitchers in here.” I said, ignoring the remark about my clothes entirely.

 

“Good idea. Rivani made a big deal about some new drink she wants to try. Corff’s been experimenting with the recipe she gave him.”

 

“Is it complex?” I asked, wondering how complicated it could possibly be. The Hanged Man wasn’t know for fancy-smancy things, but there wasn’t much Corff didn’t enjoy cutting his teeth on.

 

Varric shrugged. “I have no idea.

 

“Lucky for him I’m good at emotional support.” I said, holding up a fist in the ‘We Can Do It!’ pose. Varric chuckled as I sauntered away.

 

A few of the regulars who’d been neck deep in their drink noticed as I walked in, calling ‘Hey, Hawke!’

 

I waved and moseyed behind the bar and then behind the behind-the-bar. “Corff!”

 

“Hey, Hawke.” Corff said, standing by four large drink pitchers. “How are you?”

 

“Glad I came back here. How’re you gonna carry all that, anyway?”

 

Corff smirked. “This is like a fourth of what you guys usually drink.”

 

“So, the first round, eh?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“I’ll help you carry.” I said, grabbing two of the pitchers. “What are these?…” I sniffed exaggeratedly over the brim of one of the pitchers. “Tea?”

 

“Kirkwall Iced Tea.” Corff said with a big smirk. “Isabella’s recipe, evidently.”

 

“Oh dear…” I half moaned following him back to The Spot. I took one of the empty glasses and poured some of the Kirkwall Iced Tea and took a sip. “Hello, I’m drunk.” I said blinking as the flavor of alcohol burned its way down my my throat with the pleasant aftertaste of tea.

 

Varric snorted. “Nice to have you here, Drunk.”

 

“This is some serious shit.” I said.

 

Varric shrugged. “Rivani seemed really insistent about getting one of those in you. Said you really need a to loosen up.”

 

…

 

Oh.

 

That.

 

Just.

 

Fan-friggin-tastic.

 

“Well, shit.” Varric was saying. “That look says you’re about to go to war, Hawke.”

 

I tried to put a lid on my expression. Closing my eyes and clearing my throat. “No. It’s fine. I’m sure Izzy’s just trying to help in her own…special…way.”

 

“Ah. Guess I ruined it then.” Varric grunted. “She said she’d be lucky to get half a glass in you… but that’s all it’d take anyway.” he said with a shrug. “Dunno what the big deal is.”

 

Oh! Isabella, really. She probably assumed a little bit would be enough to loosen up my mouth and then I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from talking to Andy.

 

I glared momentarily at the drink in my hand…. And then smirked.

 

I’d play this game.

 

I took another three gulps before needing to breathe. Varric blinked at me owlishly.

 

“What?” I asked. “S’really good.” I muttered before taking a few more sips. “Whooa.” I chuckled. “Is it warm in here?”

 

“Uh…you may wanna sit down there, champion.”

 

“Haaa!” I slurred. “I haven’t been Kirkwall’s champion in aaaaages.” I clamped my lips together, feeling a belch work it’s way up. “I’m good.” I groaned. “I think I’m gonna… gonna sit.”

 

“You do that…” Varric said, eyeing me like I’d sprouted another head.

 

~*~

* * *

~*~

 

The first time I was aware of Izzy being present, my face was smashed somewhat into the couch cushions. I was upright, but I’d somehow managed to burrow into the corner of the sectional….it’s was soft and cozy and warm.

 

“Andraste’s tits, Varric.” Isabela grumbled low. I couldn’t say how she looked because I still hadn’t seen her. Face in sofa, as it were.

 

“What? She’s a grown woman. I not about to police her drinking.” Varric defended.

 

“How much has she had? She’s hardly in a position to flirt with Andy now.”

 

“…Is that what this is about?” Varric practically spat. “This is all for—oh, hey. Hey.”

 

“Hello.” That sounded like Andy.

 

There was a pause. I thought about the plot of Watership Down, but instead of with actual rabbits, with the dust bunnies burrowing under the sofa. It made my shoulders shake with silent laughter.

 

“Do I know you?” Varric was asking.

 

“I can’t imagine how you could.” Andy replied.

 

“Ah, this is Andy.” Isabela introduced. “Tiger, this is Varric. He’s a paragon of manliness.”

 

“Only when she wants me to give her her way.” Varric responded, and I could just taste the smirk in his voice.

 

Wait…no.

 

You can’t taste smirks. Hear. I could hear it…..or feel it? I dunno. My face is in a cushion.

 

“Is….is something that matter?”

 

“Ah…” Izzy was saying, but I’d finally gotten my arms to reattach.

 

I shoved against the sofa, and somehow it propelled me into an upright standing position…..and then my knees locked and the momentum took me back and I was laying down flat out on the sectional.

 

I giggled…which, I have to say. I don’t giggle enough. Like. In a month, I may giggle once. I think it’s undignified, so I don’t do it. But it’s FUN. It’s a lot of fun to giggle. Because by the time you’re at the stage where you’re giggling, you really just don’t give a single shit anymore, and the flowers on your mom’s bad wallpaper are hilarious.

 

“Andy!” I called, finally catching sight of him. “You look great!” He did. He was wearing dark wash jeans and a skin-tight long sleeve shirt under a blue and grey plaid shirt.

 

“And you look beautiful.” He said, and his smile… it was so nice. You know, like… it crept into my knuckles and the vertebra of my neck….and it loosened them into something really relaxed. I stretched, smiling.

 

“Um, Hawke, honey. How much have you had to drink?”

 

I held up two fingers, and peeked between them up at Izzy as she hovered nervously at Andy’s side. “I stopped at two.” I informed before whispering “just two”. Izzy bit her bottom lip. Something she did when she was nervous.

 

Andy picked up my glass and sniffed just above the rim before taking a sip.

 

“Well, hello. I’m drunk.”

 

Walrus bellow laughter rolled through my chest. “Hello, Drunk. I’m so glad you’re here.”

 

He chuckled. “Me too.” He said before leaning down to hover over me more directly. “Do you mind if I sit you up?”

 

“I…no. I don’t mind, but I don’t think I can stand.” I could feel my face wilting. “I think my legs have stopped speaking to me. ‘Cept, you know, legs don’t have any ability to speak…unless you count nerves that talk to brains or…whatever.” He licked his lips and I found myself watching the motion intently. “You have _really_ nice lips.” His eyebrows went up a notch.

 

“Really?” He asked, and I felt his arms lace around me, his hands sliding up my spine.

 

“Yeaaaaaah.” I drawled, arching slightly into his touch. One hand was now supporting my neck and the base of my skull, while the other was between my shoulder blades. “You have nice everything really.”

 

“Thank you.” He said. “Now, you’re just going to lift up with me, ok?” I nodded….or tried to. My head lulled to the side so my jaw could brush against his thumb. “One… two… three.” On three, the two of us rose upright. “There we go. How is it? Any spinning?”

 

I laughed. “Oh. Oh yeah. It’s like we’re dancing, but my legs are on strike so that’s not possible.”

 

“She’s usually _not_ like this.” Izzy was saying. “In fact, she’s _never_ like this.”

 

“I know.” Andy said as he sat in the corner of the sectional.

 

I couldn’t control gravity in my current condition, so there was little surprise when I toppled onto Andy’s chest…. I was really more surprised that I didn’t knock the wind out of him or something. In fact, I could hear a chuckled through his chest and in the open air as one ear was pressed snugly to his chest.

 

“You’re comfy, Andy.”

 

“I live to serve.” He said and I sniggered.

 

“Well…the two of you seem…content!” Izzy was saying, and it was her ‘bright side’ voice.

 

Like, that time we’d gone looking for some guy in Darktown. No one knows who the guy was because he was a guy who knew a guy that Izzy knew…anyway, thank the Maker we’d taken Fen and Carver with us, because the guy had been a Slaver.

 

A! SLAVER!

 

And I was all like, ‘Really, Izzy!’ and she was all upward inflection, really high lilting tone, ‘but did you dieeee?’. It was so ridiculous. She said we’d laugh about it one day, but hell if I felt like laughing.

 

“I’ll just, uh…help Varric with a few things.”

 

“What?” Varric asked before being yanked away.

 

There was a second of silence as Varric bickered in Isabela’s general direction while they both left.

 

“I think your friends may have set you up.” Andy said.

 

“Yeaah. They do that. They think they know best.” One of his hands combed into my hair, dragging it away from my face. “Thanks.”

 

“You’re quite welcome.”

 

“M’sorry. This can’t be very fun for you.”

 

“On the contrary.” Andy said, smiling down at me. “It’s not often I get to cuddle with a lovely lady in a private suite in a seedy bar.”

 

I chuckled softly. “I’m not—”

 

“You don’t get to tell me how I feel about it.” He reminded, tracing a finger over my lips as if he could keep me quiet.

 

I quieted though…because….well, why not?

 

“So..” He began. “You don’t strike me as the sort to drink to excess.”

 

“Hmph. Maker. No.” I said. “But Izzy wanted me to drink so I did…..figured I’d show _her_.”

 

“Why would Isabela want you drunk?”

 

“I don’t think she wanted me drunk. I think she wanted me tipsy so I’d relax.”

 

“Aaah.” He said, nodding. “Is that a problem…? You relaxing, that is?”

 

“Mmmmm… a little.” I said measuring out an inch between my thumb and pointer finger. “The gang’s getting together again, and there are some old scars there.”

 

“…Oh?”

 

I nodded, which felt really weird now that I was trying to look up at him. It was really more of my head lolling as my chin planted itself against his sternum. He was still smiling at me though.

 

“Aveline got promoted and married and a bunch of shit was happening with some of her guards, but we worked it out.”

 

“Ah.”

 

“And Fenris….” I swallowed almost reflexively. “Fenris and I haven’t really seen much of each other since he walked out on me six years ago.” I felt him tense up slightly.

 

“I see.” He said a little tightly.

 

“No. I mean. It’s ok.” I said shrugging. “Everyone gets, like… three. Yeah. I think three’s a good number.”

 

“Three what?”

 

“Three unforgivables.” I felt my eyes drooping, so I closed them. Andy’s hair had started to vibrate around his head, so my eyes were obviously trying to tell me something anyway. “I know I’m making it sound like they can cast _Cruciatus_ on me three times.” A little breathy laugh puffed out of me.“Like, three times where they can just utterly shatter my heart.”

 

“Ah….how many have they used?”

 

“Hmmm….everyone but Varric and Merril has one…..and Donnic. Donnic hasn’t done any damage. I’ve been sad with Varric…but I mean, like, that’s just… because he’s been through some lows that I was…I was there with him. I mean, I was _there_. And…I’m very empathetic, but it was his pain, not mine.” I snorted softly. “Izzy and Fenris completely broke my heart, but at least they did it quick, like a bandaid.”

 

He continued to comb my hair, his fingertips gentle against my scalp. It felt _so_ good.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

I shrugged. “It happens.”

 

“What happens?” This was Izzy. When had she gotten back.

 

“Wild sheep.” I grunted.

 

“That’s fantastic.” Izzy sounded pouty.

 

“Crystal was just telling me that you probably thought she needed to relax.” Any said.

 

“Ah…” Now, Izzy sounded tense.

 

“It seems everyone’s set up a poor precedent.”

 

“Ah, yes…well.” Izzy sounded strange. I let my head rest against Andy’s chest pried open my eyes. She looked a little sad. Like that time she was drunk and kept saying that she was useless to have around in comparison to me, and I had to talk her down, because comparing people to each other is wrong and hurtful. One day I’d stop doing it to myself. “Varric may have ordered some pizzas. I’ll just go and help him with that.” She said before turning and very nearly jogging away.

 

There was a bit of silence after she hustled away, and I loved that Andy was ok with silence. He didn’t seem to mind at all, just letting his fingers scratch against my scalp and and spine.

 

“I like you, Andy.” I blurted without a thought. I felt the abrupt rise of his chest as he inhaled. It was impossible not to, what with us being pressed so closely together.

 

“I like you too, Crystal.”

 

“That’s good.” I murmured.

 

“I like you very very much.”

 

I felt a soft laugh bubble up. “Is your name really Andy?”

 

“….it’s… Andrew. But no one likes Andrew.”

 

“I like Andrew.”

 

“Well…maybe you do, but… Engh.” He groaned softly.

 

“You don’t like it?”

 

“…..I like it when you say it.” He said, and it sounded like he was conspiring with me, and I couldn’t help but chuckle.

 

“What in the Maker’s name…”

 

“Hello.” Andy said.

 

“Hey, Aveline.” I said. “I’d git up’n hug you, but…my legs are still on strike.”

 

Aveline stared at Andy and me and then gave Isabela a frustrated look.

 

“Is this mine?” I asked, pointing to a button on Andy’s shirt.

 

“No. That would be my shirt.”

 

“Oh…” I blinked and looked around. “Is that mine?” I asked pointing to the cup in a cup holder next to Andy.

 

“Yes.” Andy replied after a guilty look towards the cup in question. “Yes that is yours. But I’ve also sipped some of it; I don’t know how you feel about eating or drinking after people. It really doesn’t bother me, because resources being what they are, but—well, okay then.” The ramble stopped when I reached over and finished the last fourth of my drink. “I guess you don’t mind.”

 

I shook my head and then blinked rapidly. A halted little laugh bubbled up. “It makes your shirt look really cool… like one of those weird hidden 3D stereogram posters that are awesome to stare at when you’re high.” Andy laughed a little. “What? I was in college _once_.” More laughter.

 

“Exactly whose idea was it to get Hawke drunk off her ass?” This came from Donnic, but both he and Aveline were staring at Isabela. Well. Donnic was staring expectantly; Aveline was glaring.

 

“This was _not_ orchestrated by me.” Izzy defended.

 

“You _so_ did orchestra.” I grumbled.

 

“I assure you, deary, I only wanted you relaxed and happy, not…utterly plastered. I have never been one to use booze to excess.”

 

“HA!” I barked, pointing at Izzy. “Aw’right, listen here, you beautiful bitch. Imma fuck you up wif some troofs.”

 

I felt and heard Andy laughing. Hard.

 

I pointed in his general direction without actually turning to face him. “Is not that funny.” I said, half glaring at him though sleepy eyes.

 

“Is.” He insisted. “Is very funny.”

 

I patted the top of his head. “You’re lucky you’re so pretty.”

 

“If I had a silver for every time I heard that.” He half grumbled. That made me laugh so hard I snorted.

 

~*~

* * *

~*~

It was warm and dark when I woke up. I knew I was home and in my bed, but there was a moment when I could not remember how I’d gotten there.

 

…I felt good though. Like, really relaxed and happy. Which was weird because of all the drinking—

 

…….oh.

 

Oh, Maker.

 

I buried my face against my hands, groaning loudly.

 

I was still somewhat surprised that I didn’t have a horrible headache or…something. I hadn’t eaten enough bread or drank enough water to balance out the booze I’d consumed. That meant that I should be _really_ hung over.

 

I wondered how awkward it’d be come Thursday when I saw Andy again. I’d hoped that all my drunken stumbling would make him stay as far away from me as possible, but instead he’d seemed… so attentive.

 

I yelped when a pair of arms encircled my waist.

 

“Go back to sleep.” The voice seemed almost disembodied. Mostly because it didn’t belong, couldn’t exist, how the hell…what?? Half peeking back over my shoulder made me freeze.

 

I couldn’t breathe.

 

Fuck Thursday. Andy was here. He was _here_. HERE. In bed with me… in my bed, in my house, in the middle of the night….what the actual fuck??


	4. Not Alone in the Dark

“That’s no good.” Andy said against the left side of my head. His breath rustled my unruly hair. “You’re way too tense to go back to sleep, aren’t you?”

 

“I…” It came out as a horrible, high-pitched squeak.

 

“Before you freak out, you didn’t do anything inappropriate.” He assured hurriedly.

 

This did not help me to relax. The man was spooning up behind me with his arms around my belly. We’d sailed past inappropriate and crashed into the crags of damnation.

 

“I…I don’t even remember coming home.” I was nothing but squeaky whispers. “I… You. When…When did we leave? Haaa? How did I get in bed? How did _you_?”

 

“Hm.” Andy’s voice rolled down my neck and scritched into my shoulder blades. “Well… I was. Invited?” He paused, considering his words. “Don’t you remember?”

 

I remained frozen, my mind whirring over what I remembered last. Let’s see. I think I’d fallen asleep on Andy not long after Aveline and Donnic showed up. His heartbeat had been so soothing, and it wasn’t like Izzy and Aveline needed me while they bickered.

 

“I… Did you… did you drive me home?” I was vaguely aware of this strange, dream-like memory of being against him in the back seat of my car….but then who was driving?

 

“I didn’t do the driving, but I was present for the ride.”His arms loosened slightly, his hand choosing to dock at my side instead of remaining over my belly. “You, uh… I think you thought you were dreaming.”

 

I stared into the darkness, unseeing as another tidbit resurfaced. “I begged you to stay.” My voice wavered over the last bit, because how fucking ridiculous was any of this??

 

Yes. It’s true. Everyone aught to know that they were right all along! I was only masquerading as an adult in complete control of myself. None of that was ever real. Thank you, thin veneer of Propriety, for leaving the building so swiftly after alcohol stepped in!

 

Geeeeeeeh…

 

“I don’t know if begging is the right word for it… perhaps, it’s better to say you were insistent in a somewhat piteous tone.”

 

“Oh, Maker.” I groaned, burying my face in my pillow.

 

“Hey, hey. Come on, now.” Andy was saying, still pressing up against me even though I’d shifted to lay forward on my stomach. “You were sweet, Crystal. You heard me talking about getting back to my cot in Darktown, and you just wouldn’t hear it. And.. I felt really…” I peeked back at him as he paused. I could just see the outline of him in the castoff light from the moon and street lamps. “Special.” He swallowed. “And really! I took advantage of you, so who’s the bigger bastard here?”

 

I laughed. Because I couldn’t help it. He was being so ernest and sweet, and in spite of the raw panic I felt coiling inside of me… I mean…. He wasn’t offended, and we hadn’t… hadn’t done anything. He just held me…

 

“I don’t do this.” I said, half into my pillow as I turned my head to the side. “I don’t… I mean—I’m not saying it’s…..hauhhn.” I groaned. “I don’t get wasted at my friend’s place and then take someone home with me to spend the night.” I winced. “The last few times I ended up in bed with someone, it really didn’t end well.”

 

Silence asserted itself for one small beat.

 

“I know.” He said, and I looked back at him in confusions. “Fenris told me.”

 

I pulled myself half upright, trying to draw away so that I could see him better. “Fenris?” My voice rusted on his name, because even now. Even. Now. I couldn’t.

 

I just couldn’t bear the thought of him without the jagged devastation; all the raw edges were _still_ raw….

 

It’d been six years since the man had punched through my chest and left me broken and confused in the middle of the night with nothing more than a weak ‘I can’t’, and _STILL._

 

“He drove us here.”

 

I made a noise. It wasn’t exactly a whimper or a sob or a whine, but some bastardized child of the three. What a threesome.

 

“He seemed….really concerned about you.” Andy was saying. “And not just because you were drunk, either. He and Aveline both…” he paused as I stared at him. “It felt, at least to me, as though they both had something they wanted to talk to you about.”

 

I slowly wheezed out a groan, melting back into my bedding. “And I went and got so drunk they wouldn’t be able to do anything.”

 

I could feel Andy staring at me. Weight shifted on the bed, and I felt him press down against my spine. He covered me with himself, and I half shivered-half relaxed beneath him. His weight wasn’t burning hot or suffocating… it was soft and nearly cool.

 

“I’m sorry that it happened this way, and I’m sorry that you’re so upset,” He paused and a chanced a glance back at him. “but I am not sorry to be here with you, Crystal.” He smiled at me, and that smile…

 

“I want to keep seeing you… Not just when you’re sleepy and drunk and upset, but when you’re happy and raging and content. The full spectrum.”

 

I had the feeling he’d been thinking of this a lot…. It was like the words had been bottled up and refined until he couldn’t hold them in anymore. I snickered softly at the ‘full spectrum’ comment, considering my name and all.

 

“And I know that it might get ‘ridiculous’ as you say, and that all of that might be intimidating…”

 

He lay his head against the back of my shoulder, placing his hands palms-down on the bed a good hand-span away from me and then sliding it up a little farther. His hands were placed on the bedding around the edge of her pillow…it didn’t feel caging, but I supposed that’s kind of what it was. He wasn’t really holding my body in place…but…he really was without actually exerting himself.

 

“But I’ve had about five months to come to terms with this, and I’m prepared to stick it out as long as I need to in order to convince you that it’s as worth it as I know it is.”

 

Silence prevailed again.

 

“Andrew…”

 

“And I really want to hear you say my name more often.” He sighed against the curve of my shoulder.

 

“…I…” I couldn’t take my eyes off of his hand against my dark burgundy sheets. I let my own hand skim up, shimming it under his. I couldn’t describe the warm delight that bloomed when he laced his fingers gently with my own. “I have to get up in about 40 minutes to mix bread dough.” I said. He inhaled sharply, which felt so strange against my skin.

 

“Can I get up and help you make bread?” He asked, lifting himself up and nuzzling against my jaw. I giggled, because of course I did. The fact that he didn’t seem to care that I was greasy and gross from sleep made me feel giddy.

 

“If you want.” I said. My eyes had adjusted in the dark…and as I looked back, I could see the delight on his face as well as his smile.

 

He nodded. “I want.”

 

“Okay.” I said. “Then we’ll make bread.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been working on this WAY too long :| Honestly. I got so sick over break that I lost my voice, and there's so many things to do! Alas, I've no idea how long it'll be till the next update. Finals are looming -..-' Ay-yi-yi.


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